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Mom, you’re not angry, you’re overstimulated

- Julie Matheney

When Overstimulation Feels Like Anger: Understanding, Triggers, and Coping as a Mom

Being a mom is beautiful, messy, and—let’s be honest—utterly overwhelming at times. There are moments when the noise, the demands, and the constant everything of parenting hit a limit you didn’t know you had. For many moms, that feeling of overstimulation doesn’t just feel like being overwhelmed—it feels like anger.

What Does Overstimulation Look Like?

Overstimulation happens when our senses or emotions are bombarded past our ability to process them. For moms, it often manifests as:

•Irritability: Snapping at your partner, kids, or even yourself.

•Need to Escape: That urge to shut yourself in a quiet room or leave the house—alone.

•Overreaction: Yelling or having a strong emotional reaction to something small.

•Physical Symptoms: Racing heart, headache, or even feeling nauseous.

•Emotional Overload: Crying or shutting down entirely.

It’s important to remember that feeling overstimulated doesn’t make you a bad mom—it makes you human.

Common Triggers for Overstimulation

Every mom is different, but here are a few triggers that tend to set off that cascade of overwhelm:

•Sensory Overload: Loud noises (crying, toys, TV), clutter, or constant touching can push your senses to their limit.

•Emotional Demands: Meeting everyone’s needs (sometimes at the expense of your own) can feel suffocating.

•Sleep Deprivation: Lack of sleep makes your brain less able to handle sensory or emotional input.

•Feeling “On” All the Time: If you don’t get a break, your nervous system never gets to reset.

•Personal Stress: Financial worries, relationship tension, or work stress add fuel to the fire.

Why Overstimulation Feels Like Anger

Anger is often a secondary emotion—it rises up when we feel unsafe, frustrated, or powerless. When overstimulation hits, your brain may interpret it as a threat, and your fight-or-flight response kicks in. That flood of adrenaline can make you feel irritable or outright furious, even if your baby is simply crying or your toddler is climbing on you for the tenth time.

Coping Strategies for Maternal Overstimulation

The key to managing overstimulation is recognizing it early and giving yourself the care you need. Here’s how to start:

1. Pause and Breathe

•When you feel the anger rising, take a moment. Breathe deeply—inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4, and exhale for 6. This slows your heart rate and calms your nervous system.

2. Lower the Sensory Input

•Dim the lights, turn off the TV, or lower the volume on toys.

•Step into a quiet room, even for just a minute or two.

3. Set Boundaries Around Touch

•If constant touching is triggering, create moments where your body is your own. This might look like wearing your baby in a carrier instead of holding them, or encouraging independent play while you sit nearby.

4. Communicate Your Needs

•Tell your partner or support system what’s happening. Say, “I’m feeling really overwhelmed. I need 10 minutes to reset.”

5. Create Small Breaks

•Build micro-moments of peace into your day. Drink your coffee on the porch, listen to a favorite song, or close your eyes for 30 seconds and visualize a calming scene.

6. Release the Pressure to Be Perfect

•Give yourself grace. You don’t need to be a supermom. A calm mom is more valuable than a “perfect” one.

7. Seek Support

•Connect with other moms who understand how hard it can be. Sharing your struggles with someone who “gets it” can be incredibly validating.

•If anger or overstimulation feels constant, talking to a therapist or counselor can provide tools to cope.

What to Tell Yourself in the Moment

When overstimulation flares, it’s easy to spiral into guilt or shame. Instead, remind yourself:

•“This is temporary. I am safe, and I will get through this.”

•“Feeling overwhelmed doesn’t make me a bad mom.”

•“It’s okay to take care of myself right now.”

The Bigger Picture

Motherhood is full of joy and love, but it’s also relentless. Overstimulation is not a sign of weakness or failure—it’s your brain and body asking for a reset. By understanding your triggers and learning how to cope, you’re not only taking care of yourself—you’re modeling for your kids how to manage emotions and prioritize well-being.

You’re not alone in this. And you’re doing better than you think.

How much milk do I need in my freezer stash?

- Julie Matheney

“The stash” is actually a modern concept that’s only a few years old. Prior to 2010 and the Affordable Care Act where anyone on an insurance plan can qualify for a free pump, very few people were doing consistent pumping unless there was a reason: a NICU stay for baby or going back to work for mom. Once more parents started getting pumps, freezer stashes because a hot thing to promote. In reality, you never need to pump if you’re exclusively breastfeeding and with your baby all the time. You don’t need a massive freezer stash to successfully breast milk feed your baby. You only need enough in the stash for the first time you’re away from baby, as the expectation is you would pump while you’re away to replace that milk. If you are breastfeeding baby and pumping milk that is going into a stash, you actually have an over supply.

For the first few weeks after delivery, the body usually makes more milk than baby needs because the body knows baby is going through cluster feeding and growth spurts. Young babies usually only take about 65-80% of what’s in the breast at any given feeding, so it’s possible to move this milk to a Haakaa, milk collector or pump. Prior to these inventions, most people just left that milk in the breast and let supply naturally regulate to what the baby was feeding. If you’re actively moving this milk and not immediately feeding it back to baby, you’re creating more milk than baby needs (over supply).

Now I’m a lactation consultant. I understand that not everyone who is pumping has an over supply. There are many people who need to pump to feed the baby with that milk that day. And there are many reasons to pump and stash milk. If you’re concerned about how effectively baby is feeding at the breast or you unique milk supply, work with an IBCLC lactation consultant to figure out if your concerns.

#pumpingtips #milkstash #breastmilkstash #breastmilksupply #breastmilkstorage

Babies have 7 senses

- Julie Matheney

We have 7 senses. They aren’t all fully developed at birth:
👁 Vision. Babies have very poor vision with no depth perception. They can see about 8-10” away, the distance from the breast to your face. They prefer high contrast, like your areola compared to your breast.
👂🏻 Hearing. At birth, fluid in the ear may affect baby’s hearing, but usually clears in a few days. They know your voice and prefer it above all others.
👃🏽 Newborns have a fully developed sense of smell. Your amniotic fluid changes smell based on what you ate and your hormones. Those little bumps that developed around your areola secrete and oil that smells like your amniotic fluid, helping baby locate dinner. Your body odor also become stronger to help baby know it’s you for bonding. You’re supposed to be stinky.
👅 Taste. While breast milk constantly changes flavor based on what you eat, and has a similar flavor to your amniotic fluid, baby’s sense of taste isn’t fully developed at birth. Flavors are much stronger for them and they prefer sweet to bitter or sour.
✋🏿 Touch. Touch is very powerful and can elicit reflexes in the baby to help them survive. Touching baby’s mouth gets them to root for a good latch. Touching the roof of their mouth triggers a sucking reflex which helps them feed. Being held in skin to skin contact regulates their heart rate, respiratory rate, blood sugar and temperature.
🤜🏼🤛🏼Proprioception. The body awareness sense which tells us where our body parts are in relationship to each other. It also gives us information about how much force to use, allowing us to grab the object we want without crushing it. This sense is developed by experience over their first year of life. Reflexive movements in response to movement and sensory input help lay the foundation for posture and motor planning later on.
🎡Vestibular. This sense is all about balance and movement, which tells us where our body is in space. It is the first sense to be fully developed by 6 months gestation. It is the unifying system in our brain that modifies and coordinates information received from other systems. An overactive vestibular system can result in an intolerance to movement.
#thesenses #senseofself

Postpartum Hormone Shifts

- Julie Matheney

When the placenta is delivered, estrogen levels drop. While breastfeeding, periods may not return for several months because the hormone that causes you to make milk, prolactin, also stops you from ovulating and having your period. Breastfeeding, though, can cause hormonal fluctuations that can some times catalyze additional hormonal imbalance symptoms. Breastfeeding mimics menopause due to the production of the milk-producing hormone, prolactin, temporarily blocking estrogen production, which keeps your estrogen levels low and prevents your period from occurring. Around 2-3 months postpartum, hormones begin to reset to pre-pregnancy levels. However, the stress hormone cortisol can increase, and in combination with lack of sleep, melatonin decreases (and, as a result, serotonin) and these hormone changes can negatively impact mood. For most, prolactin levels drop around 6 months postpartum as baby takes more solids and sleeps longer and periods may start again. These hormone shifts can have crazy symptoms. And if you’ve suffered from a hormone imbalance prior to pregnancy, there’s a good chance it’ll come back once this shift happens. Some times just understanding the hormone shift can help you cope. Some times you’ll need to be seen by a health care provider to figure out your exact imbalance to work on strategies, therapies, nutrition or medications to bring you back to balance.

#postpartummooddisorder #postpartumjourney #poatpartumdepression #hormonebalance #moodswings #motherhood #motherhoodinthewild

Coffee and breast milk

- Julie Matheney

Caffeine While Breastfeeding: What You Need to Know

Understanding Caffeine and Breastfeeding

Caffeine is a common component of many beverages and foods, such as coffee, tea, soft drinks, chocolate, and certain medications. As a breastfeeding mother, it's natural to wonder how your caffeine intake might affect your baby and your milk supply.

How Caffeine Affects Breastfed Babies

When you consume caffeine, a small amount passes into your breast milk. Most babies metabolize caffeine slowly, especially newborns and premature infants, which means it can accumulate in their systems. The effects of caffeine on babies can vary, but here are some key points:

1. **Sensitivity**:
- Newborns are particularly sensitive to caffeine. High levels in their system may lead to irritability, wakefulness, and fussiness.
- Older infants metabolize caffeine more efficiently, reducing the likelihood of noticeable effects.

2. **Accumulation**:
- Caffeine can accumulate in a baby's system if consumed in large amounts by the mother, leading to overstimulation and sleep disturbances.

3. **Variability**:
- Sensitivity to caffeine varies among infants. Some may be more tolerant, while others may show signs of sensitivity even at lower maternal intake levels.

#### Recommended Caffeine Intake for Breastfeeding Mothers

Moderation is key. According to health experts, a moderate amount of caffeine is generally considered safe for breastfeeding mothers:

- **Daily Limit**: Up to 300 milligrams per day, roughly equivalent to 2-3 cups of coffee, is typically considered safe. However, it's essential to consider all sources of caffeine, including tea, chocolate, and soft drinks.

Managing Caffeine Intake

Here are some tips to help manage your caffeine intake while breastfeeding:

1. **Monitor Baby's Reaction**:
- Pay attention to your baby’s behavior. If you notice increased fussiness, difficulty sleeping, or irritability, it might be worth reducing your caffeine intake.

2. **Spread Out Consumption**:
- Spread your caffeine intake throughout the day rather than consuming it all at once. This can help minimize potential effects on your baby.

3. **Choose Alternatives**:
- Consider switching to decaffeinated coffee or tea, herbal teas (ensure they are safe for breastfeeding), or other non-caffeinated beverages to reduce your overall intake.

4. **Read Labels**:
- Be mindful of hidden caffeine in foods, energy drinks, and medications.

5. **Stay Hydrated**:
- Drink plenty of water to stay hydrated, which can also help manage any potential effects of caffeine.

While moderate caffeine consumption is generally safe during breastfeeding, it's crucial to observe your baby’s reactions and adjust your intake if necessary. If you have any concerns or questions about caffeine and breastfeeding, consulting with a healthcare provider or lactation consultant can provide personalized guidance and support.

 

There are also coffee alternatives like Rasa Coffee that can give a similar feeling without the caffeine and some blends can still be safe while breastfeeding. Always check the herbs you are consuming prior to taking them as some are not safe while breastfeeding.

The Rooting Reflex

- Julie Matheney

The rooting reflex (RR) is a fascinating developmental milestone that begins even before birth and continues to evolve during infancy. RR is an automatic response in newborns characterized by turning their head toward a touch on their cheek or mouth. When you stroke or touch your baby's cheek or the corner of their mouth, they will instinctively turn their head in that direction, open their mouth, and make sucking motions. By turning towards a

touch, babies instinctively position themselves to find their food source and initiate feeding

The RR starts to develop in utero, typically around the 32nd week of pregnancy. During this time, baby's neurological and sensory systems are maturing rapidly. Once baby is born, the rooting reflex becomes more pronounced and functional. Immediately after birth, and often during the first few weeks of life, you can observe your baby's natural response to touch on their cheek or around their mouth. It’s a reflex, so this is also why they will try to root and latch to dad’s nose or even to grandma’s chest.

The RR is at its strongest during the newborn phase, the first 0-3 months. Babies rely heavily on this reflex to initiate feeding, whether at the breast or with a bottle. As baby's neurological system continues to mature, the rooting reflex gradually integrates with other feeding skills. By around 4 to 6 months of age, babies start to gain more head control and may rely less on the rooting reflex for feeding.

You can actively support baby's RR by:

- Positioning baby close during feeding. Their chin and cheeks should be physical touching your breast and your fingers can touch their cheeks during bottle feeding

- Let baby lay on both of their sides during tummy time, not just on their belly. As the floor triggers the reflex, it helps not only integrate it, but also will eventually help with rolling over and finding toys

- Being responsive to your baby's cues and feeding needs, especially during the early weeks and months.

Have you noticed the rooting reflex in your baby? Share your experiences and insights in the comments below! 💬🍼 #RootingReflex #NewbornDevelopment #ParentingJourney

**Understanding the Rooting Reflex: A Guide for Parents**

As parents, understanding your baby's reflexes can offer valuable insights into their development and needs. One such reflex that plays a crucial role in feeding and bonding is the rooting reflex. Let's dive into what the rooting reflex is, why it's important, and how you can observe and support this natural behavior.

**What is the Rooting Reflex?**

The rooting reflex is an automatic response in newborns characterized by turning their head toward a touch on their cheek or mouth. When you stroke or touch your baby's cheek or the corner of their mouth, they will instinctively turn their head in that direction, open their mouth, and make sucking motions.

**Why is the Rooting Reflex Important?**

The rooting reflex is essential for breastfeeding or bottle feeding. By turning towards a touch on the cheek, babies are naturally positioning themselves to find the breast or bottle. This reflex helps babies locate the source of nourishment and initiate feeding.

**How to Identify the Rooting Reflex:**

You can observe the rooting reflex in your baby from birth. Here's how:

- Stroke your baby's cheek gently with your finger or the nipple of a bottle.

- Notice if your baby turns their head towards the side that was touched.

- Observe if your baby opens their mouth in preparation for sucking.

**Supporting the Rooting Reflex:**

As a parent, you can support your baby's rooting reflex during feeding:

- Position your baby close to your breast or the bottle, allowing them to easily latch onto the nipple.

- Stroke your baby's cheek or mouth gently to encourage them to turn towards the feeding source.

- Be patient and responsive to your baby's cues during feeding.

**Development and Outgrowing the Reflex:**

The rooting reflex typically begins at birth and gradually diminishes as your baby grows older. By around 4 months of age, most babies have developed stronger head control and are less reliant on this reflex for feeding.

**Final Thoughts:**

The rooting reflex is a fascinating and important part of your baby's early development, especially in the context of feeding and bonding. Understanding and observing this reflex can help you establish a positive and nurturing feeding experience for you and your little one.

Have you noticed the rooting reflex in your baby? Share your experiences and tips in the comments below! 💬👶 #NewbornDevelopment #RootingReflex #Parenting101

Understanding the Witching Hour in babies

- Julie Matheney

Have you heard about the "witching hour"? It’s a term used to describe a challenging time, usually in the late afternoon or evening, when babies become irritable, fussy, and difficult to soothe. It often occurs between 5 p.m. and midnight, though it can vary from baby to baby. It's a common in the first few months after birth. Why does it happen? No one really knows but we speculate it’s from:

🗝️Overstimulation: Throughout the day, babies accumulate sensory input from their environment. By the evening, they may become overwhelmed and find it challenging to settle

🗝️Tiredness: Babies get overtired by the end of the day, making it harder for them to relax and fall asleep. They often need one more cat nap before bed, usually coinciding with your dinner time

🗝️Developmental Changes: Babies often have growth spurts and developmental leaps, which can make them more unsettled during certain periods

🗝️Cluster Feeding: Babies often cluster feed at this time as it coincides with when milk volumes are at their lowest during the day

Tips:

📌Learn baby’s natural rhythms. Many babies need shorter naps and more frequent feedings in the afternoon and evening

📌Reduce Stimulation: As the evening approaches, create a calm and quiet environment. Dim the lights and lower noise levels

📌Provide comfort to your baby through gentle rocking, swaying, babywearing and Skin-to-skin contact

📌Feed: Cluster feeding is common. However, if baby normally latches and refuses to latch, they most likely don’t want to feed, even if you can get them to take a bottle

📌Stay Calm:  this is temporary and resolve as your baby grows.

📌While common, it's essential to trust your gut. If your baby's fussiness seems excessive or is accompanied by other symptoms like fever or persistent crying, consult your pediatrician to rule out any underlying issues.

In conclusion, while the witching hour can be exhausting for parents, it's a normal phase of infant development. By understanding the triggers and implementing strategies to soothe your baby, you can navigate through this period with patience and confidence. Remember, you're not alone in this journey of parenthood!

Baby wearing doesn’t replace tummy time

- Julie Matheney

While baby wearing and tummy time offer unique benefits, they are not mutually exclusive. In fact, they complement each other in promoting a well-rounded approach to infant development:

Muscle Development: Tummy time strengthens specific muscle groups needed for crawling and overall physical development. Baby wearing, meanwhile, supports muscle tone and posture by providing a secure and ergonomic position.

Emotional Bonding: Both activities promote emotional bonding and security, albeit in different ways. Baby wearing satisfies a baby's need for closeness and comfort, while tummy time encourages independence and exploration within a safe environment.

Variety of Stimulation: Alternating between baby wearing and tummy time exposes infants to diverse sensory and motor experiences, which are essential for holistic development.

In summary, incorporating both baby wearing and tummy time into a baby's routine ensures comprehensive support for their physical, emotional, and cognitive development. Each activity offers unique advantages that contribute to a well-rounded and enriched infancy.

Rooting Reflex

- Julie Matheney

The rooting reflex (RR) is a fascinating developmental milestone that begins even before birth and continues to evolve during infancy. RR is an automatic response in newborns characterized by turning their head toward a touch on their cheek or mouth. When you stroke or touch your baby's cheek or the corner of their mouth, they will instinctively turn their head in that direction, open their mouth, and make sucking motions. By turning towards a

touch, babies instinctively position themselves to find their food source and initiate feeding

The RR starts to develop in utero, typically around the 32nd week of pregnancy. During this time, baby's neurological and sensory systems are maturing rapidly. Once baby is born, the rooting reflex becomes more pronounced and functional. Immediately after birth, and often during the first few weeks of life, you can observe your baby's natural response to touch on their cheek or around their mouth. It’s a reflex, so this is also why they will try to root and latch to dad’s nose or even to grandma’s chest.

The RR is at its strongest during the newborn phase, the first 0-3 months. Babies rely heavily on this reflex to initiate feeding, whether at the breast or with a bottle. As baby's neurological system continues to mature, the rooting reflex gradually integrates with other feeding skills. By around 4 to 6 months of age, babies start to gain more head control and may rely less on the rooting reflex for feeding.

You can actively support baby's RR by:

- Positioning baby close during feeding. Their chin and cheeks should be physical touching your breast and your fingers can touch their cheeks during bottle feeding

- Let baby lay on both of their sides during tummy time, not just on their belly. As the floor triggers the reflex, it helps not only integrate it, but also will eventually help with rolling over and finding toys

- Being responsive to your baby's cues and feeding needs, especially during the early weeks and months.

Have you noticed the rooting reflex in your baby? Share your experiences and insights in the comments below! 💬🍼 #RootingReflex #NewbornDevelopment #ParentingJourney