Breastfeeding toddlers offers a unique set of challenges for mothers, primarily due to the frequency of nursing, the use of nursing for comfort and emotional regulation, and the phenomenon of feeling "touched out." Toddlers, who are typically more active and aware of their surroundings, may still desire to nurse frequently. They’re like hummingbirds and barnacles. Popping on and off and on and off and then staying suctioned for long periods of time. This can be due to nutritional needs, comfort, or as a means of seeking closeness with mommy. Unlike babies whose primary source of nutrition is breastfeeding, toddler breast milk fills in nutritional gaps from a table food diet. They don’t need as much milk to be considered exclusively breast fed.
Using nursing for emotional regulation is common in toddlers. They often use it for soothing themselves when they are upset, tired, or seeking reassurance or feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or in need of emotional support. This can result in more frequent nursing sessions that are less about hunger and more about the need for comfort and connection.
For moms, this frequent and comfort-based nursing can lead to feelings of being "touched out." This term describes the exhaustion and irritation some feel when they experience constant physical contact from their child. The near-constant demand for breastfeeding, especially when coupled with other physical caregiving activities, can leave moms feeling overwhelmed and in need of personal space. This sensation of being "touched out" is a common and valid experience.
Balancing the needs of both sides of the dyad is crucial. Setting boundaries for nursing sessions, finding alternative comfort measures for the toddler, and ensuring the mom has opportunities for self-care and personal time can help manage the challenges associated with a human super weaner.
If you’re still breastfeeding into toddlerhood, no. The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding until 2 years old. After 2, you can wean to water and table foods or to any kind of milk per your family’s choice. If you’ve decided to wean between 1-2 years, yes and no. Cow’s milk provides a convenient source of a lot of nutrients, including calcium, protein, potassium and vitamin D that are important for building bone and brain development. But if your toddler won’t drink it, has an allergy or intolerance, or your family follows a vegan lifestyle, a well-planned diet can provide these nutrients too. According to the USDA, children ages 2-3 need two servings of dairy per day (milk, yogurt, cheese, or calcium-fortified non-dairy beverage), children age 4-8 need two and a half, and kids 9+ need three. Can you use a milk alternative such as soy, almond or oat? Yes, but they’re not one-for-one swaps. For instance, almond and rice milk have only 1 gram of protein per serving, compared to 8 grams in cow’s.
When choosing a non-dairy milk, make sure it’s fortified with calcium and vitamin D. Homemade versions won’t have this fortification. Shake milk substitutes well before serving, the calcium settles on the bottom. Look for varieties labeled “unsweetened” as many milk alternatives contain lots of added sugar! If you’re choosing not to offer your toddler cow’s milk, make sure they’re getting a wide variety of fruits, vegetables, beans, grains and protein to get them the vitamins, minerals, fats and protein they need for growth. When in doubt, discuss nutrition with a pediatric dietician
Milk is a very convenient source of calcium, but not essential. It is recommended that a 1-3 year old child have 700mg (2-3 servings) of calcium per day. Eating a diet rich in beans, tofu, spinach, kale, broccoli, kiwi, figs, brown rice, oatmeal and certain fish such as salmon can give your child just as much calcium as drinking milk. No one ever “has” to drink milk. Human milk contains less calcium than cow’s milk, but the calcium in human milk has over twice the bioavailability of the calcium in cow’s milk. Increasing your calcium intake does not increase the calcium in your milk – your milk always has the right amount of calcium for your baby. Getting adequate calcium in your diet is recommended because if you’re not getting enough, your body will take calcium from your bones to provide to your baby, making you more prone to bone fractures. However as soon as you wean, your body regains bone mass and your bones will actually be stronger than before.
Human milk averages 5.9-10.1 mg/oz calcium. 67% of this calcium is absorbed by the body.
Whole milk contains 36.4 mg/oz calcium. 25-30% of cow’s milk is absorbed by the body.
Infant formulas contain 15.6 mg/oz calcium; toddler formulas contain 24-27 mg/oz calcium. Extra calcium is added to infant formulas because of the lower bioavailability of the calcium from formulas as compared to human milk (they aim for baby to absorb the same amount of calcium as would be absorbed from breastmilk).
Toddler formulas have come on the market in recent years touting that they’re great nutrition for the 12+ month group. In reality, it’s all clever marketing. If you supplement baby with formula, there’s no need to switch to a toddler formula at 12+ months. In the second year of life, growth slows. Your toddler doesn’t gain weight or length as quickly as they did right after birth.
If you’re still breastfeeding, your milk adjusts to this based on how toddler nurses; how the breast is emptied tells your body what kind of milk to make. When breast milk is the primary diet, like in the first 6 months, your milk is made for growth and immunity. When your toddler is taking lots of table foods and nursing, your milk is made for development and immunity.
At 1 you don’t need a fancy toddler formula or cow’s milk. If you’re exclusively formula feeding, switching to whole cow’s milk is fine. While cow’s milk is a convenient source of calcium, protein, fats, and vitamin D, there’s no need to switch to that, either. As long as your child takes a wide variety in their diet and has a good source of calcium (yogurt, cheese, dark leafy greens like spinach, fortified cereals or juice, soybeans, etc), just choose what you offer your child wisely. If you’re still breastfeeding, know your child is getting good nutrition from your milk suited to their growing needs. If you’re concerned about your toddlers diet or they don’t eat a wide variety, consult your pediatrician or a pediatric nutritionist for advice and help.
Breastfeeding has unique challenges at every age. You’d think after a combined total of 46 months of breastfeeding between my two girls I would have no stress, concerns or issues. Nope. Every child is an individual with their own virtues and vices. Every stage of breastfeeding has its own challenges and rewards.
In the toddler stage, I never worry about milk supply or if she’s getting enough milk. I know there’s milk. And at 19 months, Peach’s nutrition is coming from the family foods provided at meals and snacks. She’s getting a well balanced diet with multiple foods in each food group. Breast milk for her fills in nutritional gaps and provides immune boosting protection. I don’t worry about pumping. I retired my trusty pump almost 4 months ago. Shes (finally)(mostly) sleeping through the night and were both enjoying the rest. The biggest concern in the toddler phase is boundaries. How long and often can/should she have access to the breast? What to do when she asks for the breast and for whatever reason it’s not appropriate to feed at the moment?
There is no right or wrong answer to this question. It comes down to what is best and what works for your family. Some will continue to nurse on demand and others will limit to certain times of day. Both of which are good choices. Both also mean continued breastfeeding and neither option necessarily means you’re ready to wean. But it can be difficult to process through how to manage these boundaries and navigate your next stage of development. Especially as toddlers are learning to ask for things and control their environment. And then tantrum or act out of frustration when they don’t get their way. If you’re struggling with this stage, I have phone consultations available to help find what works for your family.
It’s common for a toddler, or an even older child, to ask to breastfeed after a new sibling is born. Toddlers who were weaned immediately before or during pregnancy may be especially curious. Many just want to know if you’ll say yes – or they may just want your attention or “babied” themselves. Continuing to breastfeed, or letting them try to breastfeed again after weaning, can ease the transition of gaining a sibling. They are less likely to be jealous of the baby who is always with mommy if they can nurse alongside them. Nursing your older child once the new baby arrives can reduce engorgement when colostrum transitions to mature milk and can protect milk production if your newborn is not feeding effectively. If you say yes to a weaned child, many will just touch, lick or kiss the nipple, some will have forgotten the mechanics of how to breastfeed and won’t have further interest. Others can successfully breastfeed again. If you are happy to nurse your toddler, go for it. If it is overwhelming, it is still your body and you get to decide when and for how long toddler is allowed to breastfeed. You may prefer nursing your baby and your toddler separately or together. Breastfeeding is normal and it is normal for children to be curious and want to breastfeed at 2, 3, or even 4 years old.
When you give birth your body will continue to produce colostrum, with milk becoming plentiful after around 3-5 days. As with your first baby, breastfeed at least 8-12 times per day to establish your milk supply. Some will feed their newborn baby first or encourage the older sibling to nurse less until breastfeeding has been well established to ensure the newborn has full access to breast milk. Look out for feeding cues and give your newborn unrestricted breast access to help ensure they get plenty of milk.
Some times if your toddler is breastfeeding frequently, they may lose interest in solid foods for a while from increased milk intake. They may have looser stools. This is normal and should regulate with time.
It can take a while before your body adapts to the needs of two different feeders. You may feel lopsided if one breast drains more than the other. Eventually things will even out and you’ll find your rhythm. Alternating breasts for each feed helps with development of newborn vision and keeps the size of your breasts balanced. However, some mums find that giving a toddler his ‘own side’ works for them.
You will not run out of milk, your body will make more to accommodate however many nurslings there are.
